LETTERS

"Well, You Two Did It!!"

Dear Vicky and Nina,
Well, you two did it!! Every fiber of my being for the past twenty-five years fights to keep my tears locked inside but your story opened the flood gates. I am truly happy and envious for and of you both.
Unlike your mother Vicky, my mother went psycho and for three days. She beat me, kicked me and told me I was creating a monster. She offered me a mink coat, a thousand dollars and a trip to Switzerland for an abortion so I ran away when she left for work. She would deny any of this today but I swear to God that this is how my news of pending motherhood was received. Anyway I ended up in a home for unwed mothers run by the Salvation Army.
Social Services assigned me a case worker who pointed out all the negative aspects of my keeping my son and stressed the virtues of adoption. The stay in the home was a story in itself and left me feeling like the scum of the earth. My emotional state was precarious at best. Even though I was in my twenties, I was unaware and ignorant of my rights. Anyway, what rights does a "fallen woman" carrying a monster have? At the news of my sons birth my mother asked me: "Do you want to bring IT home?" I just hung up.
My son was placed in a foster home far away to discourage any visits. I went anyway!!!!! and took a picture of him.
His father, whom I had dated for over one year, learned of his birth soon after and wanted to marry me. I went to his home to meet the family. Arnold, quite older than me, was divorced and had five children!! Surprise! His mother was tending the children in his home. I sat there in shock and felt the children’s ten black eyes fixed on me and the strange smile on his mother's face and all I could think was; if my son wanted something he would be sixth in line. I couldn't get away fast enough. The next day I signed the papers! Bad move!! Arnold was a good man and I hurt him terribly when I signed the papers. He swore that he would find his son. If he died before he found him that his eldest would take up the quest.
The social worker didn't let me read the papers and through my tears shoved a pen in my hand to sign. Two days later I called them to tell them that I had changed my mind and that I would marry the father but live separately from his present family. The social worker said too bad your son is gone for adoption. I was crushed and felt that I had no rights. (legally I had six months from the time of signing the papers to change my mind) The social worker just refused to acknowledge my rights. The social worker told me if I had any other questions that I would have to wait two weeks as she was leaving for Bermuda that weekend. I swear she won the contest for getting the most babies for adoption that year and I told her so!!
When my son turned six I had a dream that he was crying for me. That something was wrong. I engaged a lawyer and explained that even if it seemed bizarre to him that I was concerned about my boy. Ironically he was an adoptive father of a little girl and he believed in the bond of birth mothers and child. He sent a letter to Social Services requesting the validity of the adoption and the circumstances. Social Services, who previously ignored any of my communications, suddenly showed great concern for me and wanted to know my concerns. I prayed to God for a sign if I was doing the right thing. I didn't want to upset my son's life or cause anyone any anguish. The next week my lawyer dropped dead of a massive heart attack!!!! I stopped the whole procedure.
All this time my family , those who knew, told me not to cry or think about it. All the while I was slowly dying inside.
Now I begin the search!! I will find him even if it takes the rest of my life. He has a right to know he was loved and wanted. That he was lost because his mother was alone and afraid. I hope he forgives me.
Thank you both for sharing your story and giving me hope.
Patricia Anne Scullion
Ps. At Parent Finders I have learned that the Social Service here is famous for doing what they did to me and my son!!!!!

Reunions Index

To Vicky.com