Nina's Story - Prologue

This is the beginning of my adoption story ~ not everyone who is adopted may feel this way. I have a sister who is also adopted and has no desire to search for her birth parents.
I have known about being adopted since I was a very young child. I grew up in a very loving home and I laughing call it my "Beaver Cleaver childhood" I wanted for nothing and had all the support a child could ever want. I am truly blessed to have been adopted by my family.
Adoption was not an "open for discussion" topic in our home. We were told the MINIMAL amount of information about our backgrounds and the subject was changed.
Why the secrecy? I wondered. What are they keeping from me? Who am I and where do I fit in? A chosen child you say - No an abandoned one I think. Why didn't my birth mother keep me? I wonder, I mourn, I fantasize...

Why did it happen?
Who are my birth parents?
Where are they now?
What is my real heritage?
Who am I connected to?

I am 5 feet 2 inches tall and grew up a family of people 6 feet tall and over!! I used to think of myself as the child’s game; "Which one doesn't belong?" I used to envy families who looked alike and cringe when some unknowing person would remark how I looked like so and so in our family. I knew it wasn't true but how I wished it were! So many questions about being adopted which in turn made them questions about me! I had what I call an "abandonment complex." I always made sure when a relationship was over I was the one ending it! NO BODY was going to leave me again!!
At the age of 19 I approached my a-mother with the desire to search for my b-mom. I was met with much opposition and hurt feelings, my mother enlisted everyone from my sister to the pastor of our church to dissuade me from searching. I gave in and dropped the subject.
I am now 30 years old, have a child of my own and no one is standing in my way. I have a RIGHT to know...so I start my search.
I hired a woman by the name of Karen King to search for my b-mom and within 5 weeks I received THE phone call that Karen had located my b-mom Vicky and that she was ecstatic and thrilled that I was searching for her. Society had told her to go away and forget she ever had me. And here I was wanting to talk with her.
Before we talked I didn't dare hope for a relationship. I convinced myself that it would be okay if we talked once...I got my history...I would say thanks for giving me a great life...goodbye. What I found was another person to love me unconditionally.
I needed to fill the "black hole" in my life and learn my "story". I am starting to heal. I have found a woman so like me in so many ways that sometimes I think I'm in the "twilight zone." I am finding a new person in myself, I am Whole.

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