On November 10, 1996, I wrote "Lesson 8." If you haven't read my words there, you may
want to go back so that this will make more sense to you.
On November 9th, the day before I wrote that lesson, I received a catalog in the mail
called "Seasons, To Celebrate And Remember." As I browsed through the catalog, I saw a plaque for sale
with the quote "Legacy Of An Adopted Child" which I put up as part of "Lesson 8." Upon reading
that quote, I was immediately brought to my knees, sobbing.
I had never really realized that what I had done by giving my baby up for adoption 30 years ago
was "loving." I had always known it was right...but I had never equated "right" with "loving"...
until that moment.
It was a huge clearing for me and layers of identities that I had foisted upon myself were
lifted.
The next day as I wrote my prologue and subsequently typed out the quote and added the
small icons to put it up as "Lesson 8," I was fully in the feeling of 30 years of denied emotions.
I was seesawing back and forth between my mind and my heart. My heart knew that the
quote had to go online and my mind was throwing questions at me right and left...Why did
I feel such an urgency to share this? Why was I sharing such an intimate experience in such
a public way? Why after all these years was I so out of control with these feelings? Why
was I so affected by all of this when it had all been so "tidily" handled 30 years ago. Why
would anyone else be interested in this story?
Why...why...why? The "circus of the mind" was playing it’s game to keep me away from my heart,
my Knowing, my Self. It was a war but my heart won. I didn’t care if it made sense why I
was putting it online. It felt right, I was doing it and that was all that mattered.
The next day, November 11th, around 6 p.m., I was sitting at the computer feeling like
I was in some sort of "nothing space." I had pulled up "Lesson 8" online and was gazing
at it. Once again my mind was wondering why I had put it up on the internet. I was peaceful,
but just sat there gazing, wondering and feeling that "no-thing space."
As I sat there, the phone rang. I turned from my computer to my desk to answer it.
The woman at the other end of the line said her name was Karen King. She said she
was from Seattle, my home town. She asked me if my maiden name was Haugland
and if I was in a place where I could speak freely. I answered "yes" to both questions.
She said that we had something in common. She said that we had both gone to
Ballard High School. I thought she was from the "reunion committee" and low and
behold, she was. It just wasn’t the reunion committee that I was expecting.
She said that we had something else in common too. She said that she had given
up two babies for adoption at their birth and asked me if I had given up one. I answered
"yes" and my "nothing space" engulfed me. I felt like I was in another reality, half
in my body, half out.
Her next words were something that I had been waiting to hear for 30 years. She
said "I have been hired by your daughter to find you. She has been looking for you
and would like to speak with you."
I can’t even began to tell you how I felt. It was a flood of emotion that is, to this
day, indescribable.
She told me that my daughter had hired her 5 weeks before to find me and had written
me a letter after Karen found out my name and gave it to her. She asked if she
could read me the letter. With much exhilaration, I said "yes."
I include the letter here to share with you.
Dear Vicky,
Amazing, I finally have the name of my birth mother. No more ghosts, shadows or
fantasies about names.
I am writing this letter to a person who has a very special place in my thoughts and
heart. You have given me something so wonderful and precious - my life.
My name is Nina and I am now 30 years old. I was told about being adopted at a very
young age and have always wondered about the person who gave me life. I grew up in a
very loving family and wanted for nothing. I laughingly tell people about my "Beaver
Cleaver" family. Without you I would not have experienced such joy and love and for
that I will always be grateful to you for your sacrifice.
I now know what it means to give life. I have a beautiful little boy who is 18 months
old and truly the love of my life! This experience has given me an even greater respect
for you. He has blue eyes - amazing - because his father’s are brown and mine are green.
Had our son been born a daughter, we had planned to name her Victoria.
I guess I should tell you more about me. I am 5’2 and ¾" (I stress the ¾ of an inch)
have light brown hair (sprinkled with grey) and green eyes. I have been married for almost
seven years and am so lucky to have found such a terrific man. I worked as a cosmetologist
(I love people) for many years but now I have the most challenging job of all, I am a full
time Mommy.
By this time you must be wondering why I am seeking you now. Truthfully this is not the first
time. When I was nineteen I approached my mother explaining my wishes to find you. I was
met with much opposition and hurt feelings. I even received a phone call from the pastor at
our chruch to dissuade me from my search. Make no mistake, I love my parents with all my heart
but this one topic (my adoption) has always brought on mixed and conflicting answers.
I am by nature (or genes) a very curious person and dislike not knowing all the facts. So
I turn to you, Vicky, my birth mother to help me complete my "circle." I simply seek to
untangle my genetic background and answer the questions I’ve lived with without answer.
My intention is not to disrupt or intrude in your life and yet here I am. The need to know has
become more intense for my sons future and mine too.
I hope that you will not feel sadness upon receiving this letter. You are responsible for so
much joy and I hope some of that joy will be a part of your life as well.
Nina
Needless to say, I was VERY moved and touched by her letter. I felt a huge sense of completion.
I felt like I had crossed some kind of "finish line" and a very loud "YES!!!" came spilling out
of my mouth. Nina had gotten the home that I felt I could not give her and turned out to be the
joyful, loving, caring, compassionate, wise and genuine woman that I'd hoped she would be. I felt
like my burden had been lifted and I felt at peace.
If our story had gone no further, I would have been satisfied. My baby had been cherished and
she knew it. Everything had turned out okay.
Our story, of course, did go further. Within an hour, I was speaking to my daughter for the very first
time. We spoke and sent cards back and forth for a month and then I went to visit with her, her husband
and son. It is now a month after that and we grow closer as each day passes. We are amazingly alike
and spend many hours on the phone laughing and giggling with each other.
We are putting together a resource center at Vicky.com to assist adoptees and birth parents in their
search to find each other. Our journey together is just beginning and we are both very excited.
We have a lot to teach each other and I can't wait to find out what the Universe has in store!
To quote my daughter, "I am by nature (or genes) a very curious person and dislike not knowing all the facts!"
I will keep you apprised as we go along but for now...
You must be saying, great story but what about Lesson 9: ENERGY FLOWS WHERE ATTENTION GOES...
Well, here is the lesson...
Neither Karen King or Nina had read Lesson 8, "Legacy Of An Adopted Child," before they found me.
They just "happened," after 30 years, to choose the very next day, after I put the lesson online, to do it.
Energy does indeed flow where attention goes. I had fully given my attention to feeling the Love that I
had resisted feeling all of my adult life. With my attention on Love, all of the energy available was flowing
in that direction. What was manifest was the only thing that could manifest under those conditions, the object
of that Love, my darling daughter, Nina.
The question for all of us, in EVERY MOMENT, seems to be; Are we investing our attention in what we WANT
to manifest in our lives or is our attention on what we DO NOT WANT?
Plain and simple; our attention creates our reality. Where we put our attention and what shows up because of it is
entirely up to us.
If you're not sure where your attention has been focused, just look at the results that you have in your life.
Your results are the sum total of where you have spent your attention.
Are you happy with your choices? If not, you know what to do.
We are always freshly creating our reality. Put your attention, intention, energy, effort completely on what
you want and it will be yours. It has to show up. It has to manifest.
And...the lessons continue...
With much Aloha,
Vicky
This was Lesson 9 at Vicky.com. It was my forum for speaking of our reunion at that time.
ENERGY FLOWS WHERE ATTENTION GOES
- Serge King, Hawaiian Kahuna And Author Of "The Hawaiian Huna Philosophy"
Dedicated To My Daughter - With Love, From Her Birth Mother
It has taken me two months to get to the writing of this lesson. I was not ready before,
and now I feel as big an urgency to write this lesson as I did when I presented "Lesson 8."
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