I received an e-mail from Nina today letting me know that she had sent me an "electronic greeting card." Her e-mail read;
If you read the card I sent from here just the right way, I think you'll see just how perfect it is.
Love you,
Nina
Once again, all my "stuff" came up. It seems, we take turns. She will tug at my heart strings, then I will tug at hers. We humans are so funny. We keep away that which we desire the most.Below is a copy of the card and my thoughts, as soon as I could write them. Those of you who have other children or have never given a child up for adoption may not understand my feelings but those who have walked in matching slippers surely will.
To Vicky
Thank You, Mother
Thank you for the sacrifices you have made for me. Thank you for all you've given me and all you've done for me.
I know there have been times that, had it not been for your unselfishness, my life would have been different; not as balanced, not as happy.
Thank you for giving me life. Thank you for your example. Thank you for being my mother. I wouldn't trade you even if I could. I love you so much.
- Donna Fargo Sent with Love from Your Daughter Nina
Whewwww......Couldn’t let that one in.
Amazing to me how, when I get to that place of "almost" feeling it/letting it in, I check out, retreat, kind of go into oblivion, then...go do something else.
Will I ever just relax, let go and let the love in...
So much easier to give than receive.
Mother? Me? Sacrifices...me?
The mind says, "no, no, wait a minute, you don’t understand who I really am, I haven’t ‘earned’ that...I have to ‘struggle’ and ‘work’ and ‘try’ to get love... I can’t just get it for ‘nothing’."
I want to hold the card up to everyone and say "SEE, I really am okay!" But, I don’t believe it...Hearts that yearn, long to be fed, and Spirit smiles and whispers quietly through the darkness..."just let it in."
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